The battle may have been half won, like Merlin (the panther that is, not the other Merlin, that pretend worn out wizard, who was really Santa in disguise) had just said, but Josh didn’t feel reassured. That’s the trouble with wonderful witch’s friends; they can be just as bad as worn-out wizards, who can sometimes just be such overly worn-out wizards that they utter worn-out wizard words which are, well, worn-out.
”How do you know the battle is half won Merlin?” Josh asked. “We might not get to the Found Princess before the Bumptious Beasties attack. The Bumptious Beasties could be attacking her now that she has her brain back. She liked the Bumptious Beasties before she got it back but now that she’s got it back she may realize that they are particularly Bumptious Beasties and that could easily make the Bumptious Beasties attack the Found Princess. If people know that you don’t like them, then they don’t like you. Well that’s what Aunty Cybil used to tell us. I think she knew we didn’t like her. It was the same with Sybil the witch, she must have thought that we didn’t like her for bringing us to Buzz, so she didn’t like us and that’s why she left us here all on our own. And no-one, except for the Found Princess, before she got her brain back, likes the Bumptious Beasties so they don’t like anyone and if the Bumptious Beasties don’t like someone then they will attack. What if the Bumptious Beastie’s have attacked Em? They could attack her to try and get back at me for trying to get the Whistling Wand back”. … sob… sob.. sob…

Merlin put on the brakes. I am a panther, he thought. I just don’t need this. “Look Josh,” he purred, “there’s no point in us getting to Silver Stone Road while you are in this state. You may be right that the Bumptious Beasties attacking people they don’t like so we will have to pretend that we do like them and that won’t work if you’re sobbing and wailing will it? You’ll give the game away even before we get to Silver Stone Road and put Emily and the Found Princess in danger. The thing to do is to pretend that you were just playing a game of Young Boy and Bumptious Beasties with that Bumptious Beastie when you made it drop the Whistling Wand and that you didn’t mean any harm.”

Josh stopped wailing to give himself a chance to think about this. Then, the penny dropped, “tactics”, he exclaimed, bouncily, “like Beckham uses!”
“Beckham?” asked Merlin.
“Yes, Beckham! ” retorted Josh “He’s this footballer, well he used to be a footballer when we left home, and he’s good at game tactics and he has a good hairstyle too.”
“Give me a break,” growled Merlin and luckily Morgan the most wonderful chief of the wonderful witches arrived on cue to do just that.
“I’m fed up of little-boy-sitting,” Merlin whispered to Morgan.

Josh however, had recovered from his fed-up-ness.
“We have A Beat The Bumptious Beastie Game Plan, Morgan,” he shouted excitedly. “We’re going to score. We’re going home, we’re going home,” he sang.

“Well that’s just lovely,” Morgan cooed,” and look what I have that might help you do just that, she said, holding what looked like the Whistling Wand in her hand. It seems that whistling wands and wonderful witches can conjure up a special kind of magic. So me and your whistling wand have been working on this, she explained and we have a plan too.”

“Football’s coming home, it’s coming home, we’re going home,” shouted Josh throwing himself around. “Bend it like Beckham” he chanted, “GOAL, GOAL, GOAL!”

You could tell that Morgan’s patience was being tried. Even the most wonderful of wonderful witches could find a little boy’s obsession with football annoying.

Then, suddenly, Josh’s eyes glazed over and he started to sob again. “Yes but, no but, yes but, no but …. I thought the Whistling Wand had turned into a brain and that’s why the Found Princess knows she doesn’t like the Bumptious Beasties, so that we can pretend that we do like the Bumptious Beasties, so that they won’t realize and we can rescue her… " he screeched, " and you…" he looked at Morgan accusingly… "well you’re nothing more than a silver broomstick!”

”A silver broomstick indeed!” exclaimed Morgan. “Clearly you don’t begin to understand half of what it means to be a wonderful witch and what tricks and illusions we can carry out. This really is a no-brainer!”

Morgan appeared to have temporarily lost her wonderful witch composure.”Don’t lose the plot!”, she commanded, icily.

Josh was ever so taken back by this. Morgan and Merlin were supposed to be the good guys and if the good guys were getting cross where would that leave him with the Bumptious Beastie bad guys. Suddenly, all his game-plan euphoria had evaporated and he just wanted to sulk around again.

”Don’t worry Josh,” said Morgan, recovering her wonderful witch wonderfulness, “Merlin was quite right about playing at being Bumptious Beastie friends and when I play this Whistling Wand they will really believe that YOU are their best friend and they will do whatever they can to please you. We must now make our way back onto the Silver Stone Road and go in search of the Found Princess, the elusive, worn-out wizard, and Emily. We won’t have to look very far. Me and old whistling wand here will play a tune and the bumptious beasties, intrigued, will come to investigate. Don’t forget to make friends with them, very quickly, as it is they and only they who know the whereabouts of the Found Princess, the worn-out wizard and Emily.”

“But, that must mean that the Found Princess is lost again?” asked Josh, scratching his head.

Merlin whimpered and Morgan sighed. “Why DO we bother?” they both asked, in unison.