Introducing …
Mr and Mrs Condiment.
He shakes, she quivers.
He shouts, she jumps.
He laughs, she cries.

Why? Do tell?
Well ..
Mr Condiment
makes his
wife’s life
HELL

Behind-door beatings.
Rants and rages.
His sweet lady
kept on HIS wages.

And doesn’t she know it?

Tries not to show it though.
Tries to please.
Trots out behind him.
Always agrees.

He speaks for them both.
WE think this or that.
She nods to concur.
His perpetual door-mat.

Still doesn’t satisfy HIM though.

Mr Condiment
wants the full-compliment.

Wants salt with his pepper
and pepper with his salt.

Says it’s her fault.

And he beats his sweet lady
just to spice up his life.

For being such a frisky fool

For gathering me up when I’m feeling down

For always being a clumsy clown.

Here’s to margaritas at the old cantina

To tango nights and waltzing fever

To catching butterflies in our midst

To pasta salad with all the bits.

And we owe it all to purgatory

That place we serve decaf and tea

Yep we kow tow to all the plebs

But oh one needs to earn ones bread.

But we’ll be better off you see

For we have fuel to build our dreams

And we were pals right from the start

Special Peej and the Dosey Tart.

But let’s just reminisce a bit

Memories give life a lift

Caterers from hell with Grace

Christmas fun at Patti’s place.

Pajama parties, magic shows

Sticking needles in Cola’s nose

Re-grouping times, ‘beside myself’

Reflecting on our meager wealth.

Remember Angela? I do

Ooh she was one you tried to woo

Changing in the ladies bog

Haunting tales of freeze dried dog.

Listening to my repartee

Of “I’m so fat and poor old me”.

So P.J my little dove

I’m the hand and you’re the glove

Things will never be that bad

‘Cause I’ve got you, my punching bag.

Let’s drink a toast to happy days

To creating havoc in our ways

To laughing hard to make us cry

To staying friends until we fly.

James works a farm he doesn't own
planting and harvesting what is sewn
Sarah learns to cook and pray
Pa stows a dowry for her wedding day

Wedding bells rang their union blessed
infront of townsmen their love professed
Years passed by the farmer and his wife
God blessed them they had a good life

James farmed his own land with his hands
Sarah cooked in a kitchen with a window fan
Children were raised toted to church on Sunday
Rest was earned, Back to work come Monday

Lord came calling his children home
came for them so they weren't alone
Side by side lay farmer and wife
Where Angels sing and their is no strife.

I remember Bobs and Piff

Kissing in an alley

They found naughtiness was nice

And took their time to dally.

I wonder what became of them

I always thought them happy

Simplicity seemed their way

Though young, I thought they’d marry.

Apparently they’re wedded now

Though not to one another

He’s a chef and she’s a cook

And they sometimes see each other.

Their needs they said were different

And they went their separate ways

I think that they are happy

Though it’s hard for me to say.

I was feeling all nostalgic

So I took a little stroll

I swear I saw a couple

In the alley where they’d go

I verified my vision

And could not forsake a grin

For Bobs and little Piffy

Were kissing once again.

Sybil has 16 personalities.
Joe has less than one.
Sybil is shcezophrenic.
Joe is hum drum.

Sybil was told she liked the sex
from Sally an alter self.
Sally played with Joe
and put him on a shelf.

Joe being a simple man
knew Sybil was crazy,
but when he was atop of her
she panted and called him baby

Sybil stuck her head in the oven
one day out of clear blue.
Joe sat down and cried,
"What am I gonna do?"

So he dug her a plot
behind a Walmart
and strolled her to it
in a shopping cart.

He knew she'd like the place
as it was special to her
he convinced himself aloud
with a drunken slur.

As he layed her body
he was amazed at the wood he got
so he jumped in the hole with her
and fucked her before she could rott

He threw the oven out
when he returned home
Cooked a microwave
and ate all alone.

So now he sits on the couch
farting and drinking beer
Wishing at least one of Sybils'
personalities were here.

Oh it's a lovely day in the virtual world
think I'll stroll over to Jane's place.
Oh your looking good today babe,
I like your pink lips on your new face.

Would you like to dance with me
or maybe throw me a kiss?
I know we have to take it slow-
glad real life isn't like this

Gotta go visit my other neighbor-
going for the points you see,
I need that new sofa
to impress Avitar Emily.

Rudy thanks for stopping by but
we have to take things slow.
I'll be changin clothes,
rules of the game you know.

Man I love that Rudy
He's a handsome tar
dresses good and his hair
is slicked back to thar.

But I gotta go to work
for the coins you see
So I can spruce up
for my tar, Rudy.

It's such a nice place
this ville we live in
Imaginary women
and imaginary men.

I don't even get pissed
sharing Rudy with Emily
No lawyers to call
in a virtual reality.