I am often surprised by the weight of my handbag, and yes, it is full of a wide variety of ‘essentials’, and a diverse selection of long-stay items too, such as lipsticks (without tops) peppered with fluff and dust, and mints which have managed to escape from their packets, odd earrings (without butterflies), bitty receipts, keys to a flat I sold years ago, etc. etc. But, taking all this into consideration the weight, of late, seemed a deviation from the norm.

So, an investigation was obviously in order. Now the venue for this investigation may seem a trifle odd. Picture me (or you, or anyone) in a nice posy bar, seated on a trendy high stool, awaiting their sister, and boyfriend, who were queuing at separate bars for drinks, and food, respectively.  Don’t you just hate that about bars, by the way? Surely they could make a note of your order at any bar, and take it to the kitchen. Not rocket science. But anyway, I digress, Luckily it wasn’t my turn for the long haul wait, so with time on my hands, I decided to begin my research into the contents of the offending handbag. All the expected items were revealed, and one or two surprising ones too, like the stapler from my office desk … don’t ask! … and an alien mobile phone! Must have been asked to carry it for someone, at some time! I’d have to deal with this later. Amidst the debris, at the bottom of my bag, lots, and lots, and lots, of loose change revealed itself. No gold mine this however, there was an incidental 20p or two, and a couple of silly little 5p’s, but the bulk consisted of 1p and 2p coins. I retrieved piles of these, accumulating to a grand total of 79p.

When my company eventually rejoined me with the victuals, I explained my find. Well, the Scrooge like display across the table did warrant some justification. They too emptied bags and pockets to disclose 47p, and 51p. Not quite as good as my haul, but not insignificant. We decided, either through embarrassment, or generosity, (I’m not sure which, as by now our bronze heaps had not gone unnoticed), to leave this weighty cluster as a tip for the glass collector. However, on spying the hoard, he exclaimed, “You’re not leaving that lot are you”? We did.

More in-depth exploration, over the last few weeks, has found family, friends, and colleagues, all with sagging pockets and drooping shoulders, suffering from the same plight. So why is it? Well, I think that you will all agree that you can’t buy much with 1p or 2p so there seems little call for such coins. And, as many items are on sale at £X.99, supposedly giving you the illusion of being less expensive than they really are, the 1ps are bound to come our way.

So where can we offload these unspendables? I have tried donating them to local buskers, or charity boxes, but have been thanked by  appropriate non-plussed expressions. Take them to a bank, building society or Post Office, and they are not well received – especially when counted in front of a large queue. So I think it’s time to call stop at The Mint, and agree that the bronze coins have had their day. Sad, but there’s inflation for you, and it might just prevent an epidemic of varicose veins.

P.S. Did you know that a 2p coin weighs twice a much as a 1p coin? £1 of bronze weighs 356 grammes, which is almost a 1lb in weight. So £1 weighs 1lb. How mad is that?