I could sit, stark naked, on a number ten bus

And not feel the slightest bit exposed

But if I had to stand, I would blush scarlet and

They'd all start to look up my nose.

Chorus:

Up my nose, up my nose

Everyone looks up my nose.

If I go to the doctor with a pain in my chest

He just sighs and says take off your clothes

He pokes me and prods me, says he thinks it was best

If he had a quick look up my nose.

Chorus:  Up my nose, up my nose etc.

Well I've heard singers sing the strangest damn things

Of their problems, their worries and woes

They complain and protest and they think they know best

But they all tend to get up my nose.

Chorus:

Up my nose, up my nose

Everyone looks up my nose.

Up my nose, up my nose

Everyone looks up my nose.