Fling open the doors, let the audience fly in,

As the curtains go swish the play will begin!

Not even the actor's have a clue what's in store,

I think somehow the audience won't yell, “An Encore!”

Dong!

 
First off Aladdin cannot find his Princess,

Whilst Dinky Di's back stage still in her wedding dress.

Demon Den meanwhile is handing out ice-cream,

Compared to the Ugly Sisters he doesn't seem that mean.

Dong!

Whilst they in turn are handing out flowers,

Trying to convince Widow Twanky they have magical powers.

Cinderella - meanwhile - supposedly doing her chores,

Instead sprinkles itching powder in her step-sisters' drawers ...

Dong!

Snow White's had a sleepover, 'least that's what she said,

But really she's nicked Sleeping Beauty's big double bed.

And not only that, she wants her handsome Prince too ...

But he's galloped away - cue for a loud heartfelt “Boo!”

Dong!

Dick Whittington's upset - an arrow's gone straight through his hat,

Straight through the feather - well fancy that!

He doesn't see Robin Hood run away fast,

Being chased by Puss in Boots - with his leg in a cast?

Dong!

Rapunzel leans out of her tower brushing her hair,

Someone climbs up it, she knows not who's there.

It turns out it's Jack, that flash Lad famed of Beanstalk,

Trying to escape Step-Mother's tongue - though she calls it 'talk'.

Dong!

The Frog Prince snogs Marion ... but the spot light's on bright ...

See the frog face fly off as Robin's girl moves in real tight ...!

The Giant's booming voice, it makes young Buttons leap,

Onto Daisy Cow's rear - she's such an undignified old heap.

Dong!

Dinky Di's wand, it flies into the air,

Lands on Whittington's hat - oh it just isn't fair ...!!!

He storms out in anger, knocking into the Beast,

Who shouts the Three Bears for a nice little feast!

Dong!

They come onto the stage riding the Chinese Dragon,

Which in trying to turn round flattens Cinderella's wagon.

The lights are all down, and the sound effects too,

But the audience is laughing too loud to call out “Boo!”

Dong!

Jack finally summits Rapunzel's hair,

Only to find the Old Witch of the West standing right there,

He gulps, and he screams, and lets go of the rope,

Crashes onto Dick's hat - for which is left no possible hope.

Dong!

On the last dong of midnight the play will be over,

Before tomorrow the actors will need find four leaf clover,

Or a horse shoe perhaps, something to bring them good luck,

Or the White Rabbit's foot - no that's horrible - yuck!

Dong!

It's so nearly over, the penultimate dong!

They'll wait till tomorrow to repeat 'Pantomime Gone Wrong'!

Perhaps tomorrow's show would go better in mime?

As they make their final bow, I end my little rhyme!

Dong!