" Am I the only one who thinks that bloke is acting a bit suspicious? "
" Ermm... yeah you are. He's just walking his dog. "
" Ah, you say that. But how can we be sure that it's really a dog? "
" .....?....Because it's got four legs, a tail and it's chasing a ball you stupid bastard. "
" Well, in this day and age I think you're being very naive, if I might say so. "
" No, I'm not. It's a man walking his dog. "
" Quick! Take cover! The dog! It's-It's.... "
" It's cocking its leg for a pee. "
" Ah, you say that it's cocking its leg for a pee. But how can we be sure... "

If you suspect it, report it
You don't even have to be sure
We need our fix of wrongful arrests
It screams from every pore

How do you really know, if he's just tending to his lawn?
Or planning a spree of carnage in your cul-de-sac at dawn
He might be buying cereal at your local corner store
Or inventing Cornflake-based explosives, how can you be sure?

" Hello, I've just moved in next door and thought I'd introduce myself. Just to let you know, I'm about to brush my teeth. Is that okay with you? Or shall I save you the phone call and just hand myself over to the police now for conspiracy to contaminate your water pipes with excessive quantities of regurgitated fluoride? "

If you suspect it, report it
You don't even have to be sure
Don't look at me the wrong way
I'll have them knocking at your door

They'll be crouched outside your house with their rifles at the ready
Searching for bio-weapons in your little daughters teddy
" Face down on the ground NOW! No false moves, understand?! "
All you did was answer the door with a brillo in your hand
Forget the crimes you have seen, the muggings and assaults
Tell us what you haven't seen, put the innocents in courts

" Hello? Police? I've just been robbed at knifepoint. They took my wallet and phone and - "
" Okay sir. Did the assailant strike you as a potential terrorist? "
" What?....No, er but they did strike me on the nose. "
" That's not what I'm asking you sir. Were they of Middle-eastern origin? "
" Err...No, they were a couple of teenagers in hooded tops, but...."
" We've got a right one 'ere Sarge. Listen son, we could do you for wasting police time. If there was no potential terrorist threat being posed, why the hell are you calling us up? "

If you suspect it, report it
You don't even have to be sure
These days the immigrants expect it
So don't worry, they know the score

We'll puncture any cynicism with offers of gratuity
And the cameras in the public loos are there for your security
" Oh yes, good afternoon, am I through to Terror Hotline?
I think they could be up to something, next door at number nine
I'm sure it's probably nothing, but I was in my kitchen noshing
And that woman who never speaks to me was hanging out her washing
Those pegs look like they're wired up, it all looks rather iffy "
" Okay, we'll have some armed police arrest her in a jiffy "

If you suspect it, report it
You don't even have to be sure
This sneaky spying culture stinks
It's rotten to the core
Words are being scrubbed from dictionaries
With a rabid, vengeful lust
Words we used to take for granted
Like "common sense" and "trust"
I suspect my government, of that I can be sure
I'm reporting them for flirting with a real life 84