My squad car’s tank was full enough
to cover all my section.
Proceeding down the highway
in an easterly direction.

I saw a long haired gentleman
with earrings & tattoos.
I thought this opportunity
was just too good to lose.

I quickly stopped & searched him,
he said “man you’re insane”.
Two green girls on his pocket
one was “Mary”, one was “Jane”.

We went back to the station,
he had a five star cell.
When Mary Jane came home with me
I felt a bit unwell.

Next morning I went shopping,
to get the daily news.
A second man came up to me
with earrings and tattoos.

I felt a bit afraid,
“he could be after cash”.
But then I saw his sniffer dog
was eyeing up my stash.

The first man I arrested,
undercover C.I.D.
The second man his partner,
was not too pleased with me.

I tried to wriggle out of it
and bribe the young P.C.
Trust me to meet an honest one
there can’t be more than three.

They took my gun, they took my car,
they took my badge as well.
They said “look on the bright side”
“you’ve got a five star cell”.