They're so awfully proud of their latest campaign
Gonna spring clean the streets and wash the slime down the drain

" We'll name you "
" We'll Out you "
" We'll cost you your career! "
Says the info-mercial voice so upstanding and austere

" We'll snap up your licence "
" You kerb-crawling cads! "
Oh I'm sure they're crapping themselves at your scarey-darey ads

Back-slapping all round
At Whitehall-moral-high-ground
And this is all terribly good, this is all very well
A stroke of crime-combatting genius that sounds just swell

But the question is this
Home office hypocrites
Will these terms and conditions
Extend to our beloved politicians
Because we know what you're like
With your wives you get bored
And whilst abusing your power
You tend to fall on your sword
Caught pants down with an East-end hooker called Mandy
Who ties you to the bed and shares your favourite brandy
Then out you all come with your grovelling apologies
Your list of excuses could fill countless anthologies
" It was a moment of madness "
" I made a silly mistake "
Statements of remorse not the slightest bit fake
Your exile from the cabinet will be just a short break
" Kerb crawling " they tell us " costs us more than we thought "
Unless you're the Right honourable member for Ellesmere Port