Source:
Adults
Author:
Stuart Johnson
Title:
Celebrity Supermodel Countdown Conundrums on Ice
It's a failed Channel four experiment They thought they'd broadcast live A prog that started at midday Still running at ten past five Des has lost the will to breathe, he's teetering on the brink And fuzzy-jumpered dictionary man's been driven to the drink A four letter conundrum, B-A-O and T " And here's a clue to help you girls, you might sail this on the sea " " Hmmm " says Christy " Yikes " says Eva Elle scratches her head I've not seen faces look this blank Since ' Night of the living dead ' " Umm " says Claudia " Errr " says Cindy God, I'd rather watch ' Mork and Mindy ' Than endure much more of this tumbleweed dross And now it's the turn of Her-flared-nostril-ness Moss Rummaging in her Gucci bag and muttering " Where's my frigging lip-gloss " Off camera nudge, " Oh sorry, hello Carol " " Can I have a conter- a const... one of them ones that's not a vowel " " We've done that bit already Kate " Says Des, his fake tan peeling " Besides which, Carol's hanged herself That's her swinging from the ceiling " Maybe Helena can save us all, she wants to have a go " I'll have a P please Bob " You stupid cow! Wrong show! Des finally cracks, " I'm through! I'm done! " And from behind his desk, he draws a gun " You airheads are slower than my computer re-booting Two minutes to guess the answer, or I start shooting No more Mr nice guy, and no more goddamn clues AND FOR THE TWENTY-SEVENTH TIME NAOMI THE ANSWER ISN'T SHOES! " Cat? " " No! " " Is it Dog? " " No it isn't bloody Dog! " " Shoes? " " NO! " " Shampoo? " " No. One minute and thirty seconds. " " House? " " No! " " Is it shoes? " " No! The answer is Boat for christs sake! There, I've told you! " " Um... " " Er... " " What's wrong with you, I just told you the answer! " Des screams, wielding the gun threateningly. " So what's the answer...somebody please! " " Shoes! " Des shoots Naomi. ( And with that a nation celebrates. ) " I got it! " Kate shouts. " Mascara. " Des shoots himself.
Published on writebuzz®:
Adults
> Poetry
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