" Please drink responsibly... "
At Wait-Burys-Tes-Da's, we've got some fabulous Summer (?) deals!
Just buy an eight-pack crate of Carling, and we'll throw in another thirty-two cans so the whole family can enjoy the summer (?) and pass out on the lawn.
Sod it, make that 128 cans! We think this is the perfect recipe for domestic disputes and hurling drunken abuse at your neighbours over the garden fence, and then going down the pub for a further skin-ful with your dickhead mates with that good old traditional philosophy that it's not a good night out unless you end up in a fight with another group of lads who looked suspiciously gay to you.
But at Wait-Burys-Tes-Da's, we haven't forgotten about the ladies.
Buy two bottles of vodka at just one-pound-ninety-nine each, and you can claim another seven bottles of any lady-drinks, including Malibu, Archers, Smirnoff Ice and Gin amongst others, ( all ready mixed with various soft drinks because we understand at Wait-Burys-Tes-Da's that you'll barely be able to stand up, let alone see straight and pour your own drinks ). Feel free to stumble out into the high street afterwards and screech " Whatchoo lookin' at you shlag ", only to have your tattooed boyfriend point out to you that you were trying to pick a girly-fight with a lamp-post.
And at Wait-Burys-Tes-Da's, we've been thinking.... why should the kids be left out of our superb promotional offers?
Just pop into your local branch and buy one single grape for two pence, and we'll reward you with twenty-five crates of alco-pops for your twelve-year-old sons and daughters.
Not only that, but just incase they turn their noses up at this with the hilarious remark " Mum, I'm not a kid anymore you know! ", we'll also throw in a couple of bottles of whiskey for them, which they can take down the park and share with their mates, before terrorising some poor old lady by riding their bikes across her front garden, throwing stones at her window and murdering her beloved cat, whilst you as parents decide you couldn't give a flying toss and sit infront of TV soaps all evening, yet are all too ready to kick off at the Police as soon as your beloved little angels are accused of anything remotely anti-social.
Wait-Burys-Tes-Da's.... where the alcoholic-induced good times just keep flowing!
You won't find deals like this anywhere else in the world!
And do you know why?
Because people on the continent and even in North America don't need these kind of deals, and seem to be able to moderate their drinking habits whilst still having a decent social evening out, and without descending into Ape-like aggression towards total strangers for absolutely no reason other than to promote their own pathetic macho ego!
Wait-Burys-Tes-Da's! .......oh, by the way. Please drink responsibly.
Rule f******* Britannia.
Published on writebuzz®:
> Stories & Scripts