I see myself as a hunk
and a bit super fit,
She say's I'm a chunk
and a bit of a git.

I see myself as a winner
and a real go getter,
She says I'm out of the race
and could really do better.

I see myself as young
and I've kept a good shape,
She says I am a ugly
with the breath of an ape.

I see myself as a stud
and sex is first rate,
She says she has to fantasize
'cause I look such a state.

She says I'm a failure
and a total waste of space,
I don't tell her that make-up
will never improve her face.

She says I'm a slob
and a bit of a wreck,
I don't tell her her arse starts
at the back of her neck.

She says I've the charm
of a soggy dish cloth,
God how I wish she would
just bugger off.

She says if she left me
I wouldn't cope with it,
I don't tell her I'd be as happy
as a fat pig in shit.