Now's the time to get myself fit
although I know it will be hard,
But anything to stop the kids shouting out
" GUTBUCKET!!" and " GREAT TUB OF LARD!!"

I' m now in the gym and lifting weights
I'd add more if I had the guts,
But when I bent down to pick them up
I think I tweeked one of my nuts.

Look at that bloke over there
I can't see a trace of fat,
Although I'd advise against that leotard
It makes him look a prat.

I thought I'd give the treadmill a go
'cause I'm pretty sure I can run,
But I didn't plan going arse over tit
and getting burn marks on my bum.

That leotard man keeps looking at me
doesn't he know I'm trying my best?
I.ve come here on short notice mate
that's why I'm in my pants and vest.

I've had enough of his stupid grins
his dirty looks and sneers,
At least no steroids have entered my body
It's down to takeaways and beers.

Standing in the communal showers
I don't feel quite as silly,
You might have powerful muscles mate
But I've got a much bigger willy.