the turkey tastes so good,

stuffin’ stuffing up it’s a**e

and hiding pence in pud.

Oh

Jingle Bells, parents tell

their children to behave,

the ‘wanted’ lists mean overdrafts

they won’t have all they crave.

Dashing to the shops

on my measly paltry pay,

what to buy my friends?

Pushing crowds away.

Grottos full of kids

with bags of yo ho ho,

Santa gives them one more tip

don’t eat yellow snow!

Oh

Jingle Bells sex shop sells

Aunt Lil her new vibrator,

go and visit – say hello –

(or maybe come back later.)

Oh

Jingle Bells Squidgy yells

to all from far and near.

May this Christmas be the best -

and a happy safe new year.