In a past distant life
I taught people to drive.
A carear I was lucky
to finish alive,

I'd grip hold of the seat
and I'd prey for my life.
But this punter was different
it was my good lady wife.

She ignored the rear view mirror
said she just didn't care.
It was there for her make-up
and for checking her hair.

I said " Treat the gearstick like my willy
be tender, loving and nice."
She said " The gearsticks six inches
you could fit yours here twice".

Follow her down the road
and she'll give you a fright.
Indicators flashing left
and then turning sharp right.

She pulled out on one driver
who gave a stare that will linger.
So she called him a tosser
and gave him the finger.

Six tests she has taken
and managed to fail them all.
" No the other left darling
you've just hit a wall."

Yes I know she tried hard
and she gave it her best.
But doing seventy along the pavement
is no good on your test.

Eventually she passed
and after all of the fuss.
She moans about the traffic
and goes everywhere by bus.