I sat down today and I watched some kids telly
my god it all seemed like a farce.
No Superted, no Banaman or even a puppet
with a full grown mans hand up it's arse.

Where have the shows gone that I can recall
had me racing home from school in a rush?
Rentaghost and Crackerjack have been kicked into touch
and is Big Ted a pissed up old lush?

I remember Phillip Schofield and his small friend called Gordon
a friendly and funny small gopher.
Nowadays it's aliens and violent cartoons
that keep kids arses glued to the sofa.

I did get a look at a face from the past
it was the jovial and reliable Postman Pat.
But that pleasure was short as my son said to me
" Will his liability insurance really cover the cat?"

I abandoned my viewing of todays childrens telly
'cause my wife said " Admit that you're old.
The only time that your viewings in fashion
is the repeats now on UKTV Gold."

The old programmes I remember now play out in my mind
if you're my age then it's probably the same.
Because I don't want to know if Small Teds high on drugs
or that Wonder Woman been forced out on the game.