Three kids we have had
she says pregnancy is tough.
Doesn't want anymore
and has really had enough.

She said I should do it
made me feel such a drip.
So I booked myself in
for the dreaded big snip.

A consultation with a nurse
who said we should be sure.
I said " Will it affect my performance
and what they're there for?"

I was worried about the appointment
as it wasn't that far.
I was told I could keep my tubes
in a nice shiney jar.

The night before the op
I had to shave around my willy.
Bald and with a shaving rash
it did look quite silly.

The morning had come
and I wasn't surprised.
That my poor scared old chap
had shrunk to more than half size.

As I lay on the table
it felt like the end of the world.
I wasn't worried about needles,
my doctor was a GIRL.

Think boring thoughts
or remember a nasty whiff.
Just please don't pop up
and in no way go stiff.

I managed to keep
my mind boring and placid.
And in turn my little friend
stayed still, calm and flaccid.

At last the deed was done
and the doc said with a smile.
" No sex for some time
and you'll be bruised for a while.

When I look back on it now
it was a big waste of time.
And in that metal kidney dish
I left bits that were mine.

You see my wife buggered off
and my life hit the skids.
And as another kick in the nuts
she's knocked out four more kids.

The moral of my story is
no raves and rants.
But if your wife mentions vasectomy
keep your knackers in your pants.