To the girl of my dreams I wrote a note
it said all I wanted to say.
I wrote " I've always loved you from afar",
she said " Fine, just keep it that way."

I've been through the feeling of love at first sight
and all the emotions that it took.
Unfortunately this romance was over quick
'cause the girl took a second look.

One girl I met was like The Venus De Milo
and she didn't have a care.
I don't mean that she had lovely looks
I just mean she wasn't all there.

I fall in love quite quick you see
and one girl was really first rate.
She said her heart belonged to me
shame she shared the rest with my best mate.

One girl I met was rather large
the subject of marriage we got to grips.
I backed out 'cause the threshold carry
would mean me making two trips.

I've been married now for twenty years
to the original girl next door.
She said " Do you value football more than me?"
I said " I think you'll find it's more".

My wife hasn't come near me for years
and it took me this long to twig.
She claims it's down to religious grounds
'cause she's Jewish and I'm a pig.