I watched a film the other night
Get Carter it was called.
A new remake with old Stallone
but what a bloody fraud

Stallone just wasn't as menacing
and the film gave me the hump.
'Cause I really believed in Michael Caine
when he gave someone a clump.

I then watched the Italian Job
and as a film it made me scoff.
Where was the line, the classic quote
about only blowing the bloody doors off?

They've remade The Land That Time Forgot
and you may think my thoughts drastic.
But I preferred it when the monsters looked
like thrown together plastic.

Indiana Jones is out again
in a film billed as full of tension.
At his age they should have called the film
"The quest for a decent pension".

Jason Bourne was just rehashed James Bond
and I expected really so much more.
Nice girls, gun fights, and gadgets galore
I felt I'd seen it all before.

As for Bond he's back again
in another taut and tough spy thriller.
Add the number of kills in his countless films
and he's the worlds worst serial killer.

The Sweeney film wil be out soon
with Ray Winstone looking big and hard.
But John Thaw looked like he could throw a punch
whereas Winstone is a tub of lard.

Here's a thought for you writers out there
and I mean this most sincere.
If you want my arse in a cinema seat
come up with a new idea.