I didn’t even notice I’d chopped off my leg
Till I went out to buy me some shoes.
The saleslady asked if I needed some help,
Then she gave me some very bad news.
She said it appeared that the leg on my left
Had more length than the one on the right.
And then I remembered I must have dismembered
My leg on the previous night.

It was whilst I was chopping a tree in my garden
That I’d noticed my lace was undone.
So I’d bent down to tie it, my axe in my hand
When across me a squirrel had run.
Well, it frightened me so and I jumped from my skin
And I fell head first into the tree.
Now I had to face facts, it was then that the axe
Must have chopped off my leg at the knee.