Sitting in the bath one night
I saw a single bubble,
Rising up between my feet.
I thought, Oh, here comes trouble.

And then the plug shot out and up
And landed on the floor,
And a finger poked up through the hole,
And then one finger more.

I reached down for the fingers
And I gave them both a yank,
And out came a small monster
Who said, “Thanks – I nearly sank.”

I asked what he was doing
Down the plughole in my bath.
He said, “I’m here to scare you,”
And I couldn’t help but laugh.

“You?” I said, “Scare me? Well,
How d’you intend to do that, chum?”
And then the monster dived down deep
And bit me on the bum.

“Yeeoow!” I yelled and jumped out quick
“Why did you do that, pest?”
He said, “I am a monster
And that’s what monsters do do best.”

I wrapped a towel around myself
And looked him up and down.
The water rose up past his heads
So, to make sure he wouldn’t drown,

I picked him up and held him close,
Then whispered in his ear,
“You cannot scare a person
Just by biting on his rear.

You see, scaring me and hurting me
Are not the same, you know.”
And just to prove the point
I went and pulled off all his toes.

“Now that is hurting,” I explained,
As the monster howled in pain.
“And now I’ll show you scaring
And you’ll see they’re not the same.”

So I put him on the bath tub
And I pulled my head clean off,
And held it by its severed throat,
Which I cleared with a small cough.

I pulled my ears off, pulled my eyes out,
Threw them in the bath,
And whispered to the monster, “Boo!”
And laughed and evil laugh.

And then I put my hand inside
And wrenched it out real quick,
And as my beating heart appeared
I heard him being sick.

So I put it all back into place,
And screwed my head back on.
I washed the soap out of my eyes,
And saw the monster gone.

Then I saw the plug pulled downwards,
And a single rising bubble.
I climbed back in and closed my eyes
And thought, well, there goes trouble.