[S] Mum, mum, something really bad’s happened.
[O] What is it, Simon? What’s happened?
[S] Me and Billy, we was …
[O] WERE, Simon. Billy and I WERE.
[S] Billy and I were in the park, right? And we was …
[O] Now Simon, we’re really not getting very far with this, are we?
[S] But mum, Billy and me, we was up the park and that, and there was this dog and …
[O] Simon, you’re speaking horribly. Not only that, but I have to suffer your inability to précis this blessed narrative. Paraphrase it young man, for goodness sake.
[S] Me and Billy was in the park and this dog came along and that …
[O] You mean, A dog came along. Billy and I were in the park and a dog came along, AND …
[S] Bited Billy in the leg and that.
[O] BIT Billy in the leg, AND SO ON.
[S] Yeah, and he’s bleeding real bad.
[O] YES Simon, not YEAH. We’re not in US of A, after all. And REAL BAD? Two adjectives instead of two adverbs? REALLY BADLY Simon, and you could put it far more succinctly by just saying BADLY. Trim the fat from your sentences, silly boy.
[S] Billy’s bleeding badly, mum.
[O] Now, that’s much better. Probably better to have said BILLY IS, though.
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