The determination you show
when insisting on leaving the toilet seat up,
shows inner strength and I’m so proud of you.
The way you leave the newspaper
scattered lovingly across the floor
makes my heart soar…
the cat appreciates you leaving
her a place to do her business.

Cleaning up her mess is such a pleasure
and I assure you, I’m more grateful every day.
Please continue to snore so loudly
that the neighbours bang through the wall.
It’s all magical music to my ears,
and the way you sleep right through it…
leaves me in awe.

Your thoughtfulness when leaving me in peace
while you have a night out with the boys
overwhelms me.

Your compliments on how much better I am
at dealing with the baby are heartfelt,
and I adore you for allowing me
to display my talents so frequently.
You’ve never once tried to steal the show.

Well in return for the kindness
you’ve shown me over the years,
I’m going to give you some back.

I’m giving you the peace
you often gave to me
by way of walking out that door
and not coming back.
Obviously we don’t need to discuss the baby
because as you’ve frequently said…
I’m the talented one.

You can squeeze the toothpaste
every which way but loose,
whisper sweet nothings to your boys,
swing from the toilet seat, if you desire,
and snore ‘till your heart is content.
Oh, and, Honey…

You can keep the cat.