I’m wading through a mound of tat
Wondering which gifts I can take back.
Received a jumper, hand knitted of course.
It’s big enough to fit a horse.
Received a reindeer that plays Silent Night
Another one for the pile of shite.
Received a trowel, oh how nice
Now I can go and dig some ice.
Received a book, what a lovely surprise
Always wanted – Where the Truth Lies
Received some CDS, don’t know the singers
But I’d like to guess they’re a load of Mingers.
Received some pants, nylon blend.
They’re not even fit for my back-end.
Received some socks, awful colour
And a Selection Box, from my best mate’s mother.
Next year, my dearest, please do me a favour
And keep your gifts, for those who favour
Tat.