Act Two.

(Same scene. The door opens. The man switches on the light as he enters room. The girl follows.)

Man: I told you they wouldn’t have a room. I don’t think the guy at the desk would have let you have it even if he did. He probably thought you were a nutter.

Girl: Why would he think that?

Man: You woke him up in the middle of the night and demanded a different room. What would you think?

Girl: He shouldn’t be sleeping on the job. That’s not my fault.

Man: He could see that you were drunk and you really stink of whisky. If I was him I wouldn’t have let you have a room.

Girl: I’m not drunk. I’ve only had two drinks. I want another one.

Man: You’ve had at least three.

Girl: You’ve been counting, have you? You make me sick. I’ll look after my own life and you take care of yours. I don’t need you to tell me what I should do.

(She reaches for the bottle and pours into her own glass.)

Man: What about me? Don’t I get some?

Girl: Help yourself. I’m not your servant. I won’t be your slave.

(Man takes the bottle, puts it to his lips and drinks.)

Girl: You’re disgusting, you are. Why don’t you use a glass.

Man: Why don’t you shut up? I’m getting a bit fed up with all your whining and complaining. I’ve had a long day and I’m tired. All I want is to go to bed and sleep. Is that too much to ask?

Girl: (Mocking him.) I’m tired. I want to sleep. You are really, really boring.

Man: And you’re really, really drunk. You know what you get like when you’ve been drinking whisky. You get argumentative.

Girl: No I don’t. You do!

Man: No I don’t.

Girl: Yes you do! It don’t matter what I says you thinks you knows better.

Man: Maybe I do know better than you.

Girl: You thinks that you do. Just because you’re older than me you thinks you knows everything. Well, you don’t. I knows lots of things better than you.

Man: See. What did I say? You’re getting argumentative. You’ll disagree with anything I say.

Girl: No, I won’t but if I thinks that what you say is rubbish then I’ll tell you. I don’t call that being argumentative. That’s just my opinion.

Man: But what if you’re talking rubbish? I’m supposed to listen to that and not say anything? You’re just a kid. You got lots to learn.

Girl: So do you, and you’re old. There’s lots of stuff you don’t know.

Man: I know enough to know that you don’t know what you’re talking about.

Girl: I know more about what I’m talking about than you do. You think you know everything, well, there’s lots you don’t know.

Man: You already said that. That’s stupid. Of course there’s lots of things I don’t know. I never said I knew everything.

Girl: You acts like you do. It don’t matter what I says you always knows better.

Man: I’m just trying to teach you stuff. Just trying to help you. I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I made.

Girl: That’s the first time you’ve admitted that you made mistakes. OK. Tell me about some of them and maybe I’ll learn something.

Man: For a start I would never have got married. If I hadn’t been so stupid to get married I would have been a rich man today. My ex-wives bled me dry. I should have just lived with them or else I should have had pre-nups with a proper contract. That’s what they do nowadays. It’s all down in black and white about what happens when you get divorced. That’s what I should have done.

Girl: You would have left them with nothing?

Man: No. It wouldn’t have been nothing but it would have been reasonable. I was the one left with nothing. After the second wife I had to sleep on a friend’s sofa for a few months because I didn’t even have a place to live while she was living in the luxury of a five bedroom house in the country. I had to pay for the kids’ horse-riding lessons. Horse-riding lessons? What’s that all about? Who needs to know how to ride a horse? If it had been driving lessons then I could have understood but horse-riding?

Girl: That’s one mistake. What others have you made?

Man: I’m not going to get into this. Let’s just say that if I had my life over again I would have done things very different.

Girl: Most people could say that. Nobody’s lives are perfect. You makes choices and sometimes they are the wrong ones but you don’t find that out until later when it’s too late to do anything about it. That’s life.

Man: It don’t have to be like that. If you think things through before you do them you can avoid all the bad bits. That was my problem. I didn’t think things through. I just went ahead and did stuff without thinking of how things would turn out. I didn’t think about the future. The present was more than enough to be going on with.

Girl: I’m hungry. You didn’t think about that yesterday did you? It didn’t cross your mind that we would want to eat when the gig was over.

Man: There’s a packet of biscuits in my suitcase if you’re that hungry.

(Girl goes to suitcase and takes out an opened packet of biscuits.)

Girl: It’s digestives. I don’t really like digestives. They’re boring. It’s alright if you got something to dunk them in but they’re not nice by themselves.

Man: Dip ‘em in your whisky then.

Girl: I mean a hot drink like cocoa or something like that.

Man: There’s a kettle over there and coffee and tea.

Girl: You know I don’t drink coffee or tea. I’m allergic to caffeine. It gives me migraines.

Man: You didn’t tell me you get migraines.

Girl: I don’t unless I drinks coffee or tea. I haven’t drunk a cup of coffee since I was about fourteen years old.

Man: Maybe you’re not allergic anymore.

Girl: I probably am.

Man: You won’t know until you try.

Girl: I’m not going to risk getting a migraine just to prove something to you. Do you know what it’s like to get one? It’s not just a splitting headache, it’s more than that. I gets flashing black and white lights and I can still see them even when I close my eyes.

Man: Just dip your biscuits in hot water then. Put in some milk and sugar. That should be alright.

(Girl takes out a biscuit and bites it.)

Girl: Uugh!! They’re old and soft. How long have you had them?

Man: I don’t know. I found them in the case when I was packing yesterday. I can’t remember when I bought them.

(Girl looks closely at packet.)

Girl: The sell-by date was more than two years ago. No wonder they’re stale. They looks a bit mouldy to me. I’m not eating them.

Man: They won’t poison you.

Girl: I’m not eating mouldy digestives.

Man: If you were really hungry, you would. I’ve eaten much worse stuff in my time. Mouldy digestives would have been a luxury compared to some of the stuff I’ve had to eat. You’re too fussy.

Girl: I’m not fussy.

Man: Yes you are. Soap’s not good enough for you. You got to have fancy shampoos and conditioners. What’s wrong with soap? It gets your hair clean. What more do you want?

Girl: That’s not being fussy. It’s just normal.

Man: Give me one of the biscuits.

(Girl throws the packet to him. He takes one out and bites into it.)

Man: They taste alright to me. They’re a bit soft but that just means that you don’t have to chew so much.

Girl: I’m not eating them.

Man: Suit yourself.

Girl: Who would have believed it? Here I am sat in a cheap hotel room, in the middle of the night, with a boring old man and all there is to eat is mouldy digestives. I never imagined for a moment that it was going to be like this. Is this really the rock ‘n roll lifestyle that I read about in the magazines? I’m supposed to be eating caviar with a soup spoon by the swimming pool and there’s bottles of champagne in ice buckets and waiters running around after me with cocaine on a silver tray. That’s the way it’s supposed to be. I should be having the time of my life and what have I got? I got mouldy old digestives and a mouldy old man. That’s what I got. You’re long past your sell-by date. You should have been thrown in the dustbin a long time ago.

Man: I’ve been in the dustbin for years. Nobody's bothered to empty it

Girl: What on earth are you talking about?

Man: I’v e just been going through the motions.

Girl: You’re losing me here.

Man: I need the money so I go on stage and play the same stuff I’ve been playing for donkeys’ years. It’s only for the money. It wasn’t always like that. In the old days I would have happily paid them to let me play. They didn’t have to pay me for something I would have done anyway.

Girl: I used to know a prostitute who said the same thing.

Man: How about you? What would you have done differently if you’d had a choice?

Girl: I would have worked harder at school. I didn’t do any studying and a lot of the time I didn’t even go. Well, I would turn up for the register and then leave again. I used to hang out down the park with some mates.

Man: I was useless at school but it didn’t do me no harm.

Girl: I would have gone to university and studied something.

Man: What, exactly?

Girl: I don’t know. Something I was interested in.

Man: Such as?

Girl: There’s loads of things you can do at university nowadays. I could have studied hairdressing and make-up and things like that.

Man: You can learn to be a barber at university?

Girl: Not a barber. Something more like a beautician. There would be fashion and photography and stuff like that. I got a mate who did it and she works in television now. She’s got a really good job and meets all the stars and goes to parties with them. She makes lots of money as well and got her own flat in London. (to be continued.)