20th June

Dear Jules.

I wrote to you yesterday but I got interrupted by Francois who was getting bored and needed to go out so I took him to the

park and we met a girl I used to go to school with and she got a three year old girl so Francois had someone to play with.

Her name is Paradise and she’s only two days older than Francois and they played really good together even though she

didnt understand a word he said and it didnt seem to make much difference because they was laughing and running

around and playing games and they both started crying when we said they had to go home. I’m going to meet them down the

park again tomorrow if it dont rain. She got two other girls as well called Heaven whose five and Nirvana whose six and a

seven year old boy called Eden but they’re in school and all four of them got different fathers and Eden is black but she is a

single mother right now and I lent her a tenner because there was a mix-up with her benefits and she didnt have enough

money to buy them food. I wont ask for it back if she dont offer.

I still dont know if I did the right thing by coming back to England and maybe I should have give it a bit more time and tried to

make things go better and learn how to be happy but it was all I could do to stop myself screaming sometimes and when it

became most of the time I knew I had to leave or I might have done something stupid. I still feels like screaming

sometimes but not as bad as before but coming back to England is not at all like I thought it was going to be during the last

few months in France when I thought about it all the time. I thought I was suddenly going to be all happy to be back in the

street where I grew up with all the neighbours I used to know and the chippy in the next street and everything but its not like

that at all and I dont feel happy. I’m not the same person I was when I left here but they treats me as though I was and I dont

like it much because I been through so much what with moving to France and getting married and having a baby and

learning French and all that but they still treats me like I was still a young girl. Its not a bit like I imagined it was going to be

and even the chippy is different though they still uses lard for cooking but the fish and chips are not as good as I remember

them and I had some last night and I found it a bit greasy and the chips were soggy and even the smell puts me off. I

prefers the way you does fish and chips using breadcrumbs instead of batter and I misses your cooking really much and

now my that sisters have moved out my mum dont cook much and my dad dont like the way I cooks and he says it tastes

like foreign muck and he prefers proper English cooking but I only knows how to cook the way you told me.

Francois didnt sleep very good last and I thought it was maybe with the cars going past the front door what he is not used to

and the people late at night going home from the pubs and clubs and shouting and screaming and even fighting in the

street and bottles being smashed and that kind of thing. My mum says I should get him some earplugs but I dont think a

three year old is going to put up with having earplugs in his ears and he would take them out immediately and probably put

them in his mouth and choke or even stick them up his nose which is worse so I’m not going to do it. Today I’m going to

start looking for a place to live and I’ll make sure it’s in a quiet street where there’s not much traffic because I’m dead tired

today with him being awake most of the night. My mum’s looking after Francois right now and I think that when I am finished

with writing this I will go back to bed for a while because Sharons coming over later and I havent seen her since I got back

and I bet she got lots of news to tell me and I got a few bits of news myself. During the last year in France I didnt really keep

in touch with anyone over here because I didnt want to tell them my problems and I didnt feel like writing lies and telling

them I was happy so I didnt tell them anything at all except now and again when I’d tell them how Francois was getting on

and that kind of stuff and they didnt write me letters so I really dont know what’s going on with my sisters. Right now I think I

am going back to bed because I can hardly keep my eyes open and my mum says she’ll look after Francois for a couple

hours because she can see that I needs to sleep and I hope I can because I really needs to forget about all my problems for

a while. I hope I am a bit more lively the next time that I writes.

My best wishes,

Julie.