Chere Julie, dear Jules. (revisited.) Part three
Ma Chere Julie.
You left just an hour ago and it has been the longest hour of my life. The ticking of the grandfather clock in the salon slowed
until, at times, I thought the clock had stopped. Between each tick there was time enough to dwell on various issues and
each minute contained a variety of scenarios. An hour seemed like a life-time.
My happiness has evaporated with your departure and I am enveloped in a black cloud of self-loathing. I despise myself for
not recognising the depth of your loneliness and doing something about it. Of course I was aware that you were not very
happy but I put this down to you missing your family and friends in England. I did suggest that we took a long holiday in
England and my cousins in Buckinghamshire were more than willing to accommodate us but you said that you did not need
a holiday. I offered you the chance to spend time anywhere in the world but you declined. I said that we could spend the
summer near your parents and even enquired about renting a furnished house but you said you were not interested. I do
not know what else I could have done.
Did I not love you enough? I worship the ground that you walk on. I caress every breath that you take. Did I not make my
feelings clear? I am the most loathsome of creatures for not recognising the distress of a fellow human being and this
great fault in me is compounded by the fact that I was ignorant of the suffering of the person I love most, the woman I would
die for, the woman I would kill for. Can you ever forgive me for my great failings?
I am aware that it is a lot to ask but I am on my knees begging you to change your decision and return to France. Together
we can find a solution and I am willing to go anywhere you want, do anything you wish, change whichever parts of my
personality you find offensive, anything at all if it makes you happy. I respect your wish for me to not visit you in Brineham
although if I followed my heart I would be there by this evening.
My family send their highest regards.
I love you and need you more than a summer’s day needs the sun.
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