Brineham.

22nd June.

Dear Jules.

I was disappointed not to get a letter from you this morning but I got one yesterday so I shouldnt expect too much but I still

thought there might be one but you dont have to write if you dont want to but I feels like writing to you and I hopes you dont

mind.

I hardly slept a wink last night because there was someone who got stabbed just outside our front door last evening about

eleven and the street was filled with police and there was people from the newspapers and they asked us if we had seen

or heard anything. I just told them it was a normal evening in our street and I didnt hear anything different than I usually

does. The police said they would come back today or tomorrow and take a statement. Theres lots of blood on the

pavement outside but its strange because its not red like you would think it would be but more like black or dark brown and

I wish we had a back door so I wouldnt have to see it when I goes out.

Francois never sleeps for more than about half an hour at a time and he wakes me up every time so I never gets to finish a

dream I’m in. Last night I was in the middle of a dream where I am on this old fashioned boat with sails and the sun was

shining and theres birds flying around and I was feeling really happy and free when suddenly I realises that its a pirate

ship and I got my hands tied behind my back and they wants me to walk the plank and theres sharks swimming in the

water around the boat and I dont want to do it but they keeps pushing me and threatening me and thats when Francois

woke me up. I was glad he did because it was getting really frightening.

He went to the play group this morning and we went to the park afterwards where we met Heather and Paradise. Heather

thinks that Paradise is picking up some French from Francois but I’m not sure about that. When I collected Francois at the

play group they told me he had been crying most of the morning but it was only to be expected what with him only speaking

French and the other kids making fun of him but they are trying to stop that. I hope they does because I hates the thought of

him being miserable poor little thing. Heather is being threatened with being kicked out of her house because she hasnt

paid the rent for quite a long time but she says she cant afford it and her priorities is putting food on the table for her kids

what I completely understand. She says she has cut down to just one packet of cigarettes a day in order to make ends

meet. When I said I was looking for somewhere to live she said why dont we get a place together and then we could look

after each others children so that the other one can go out in the evening and have a bit of fun. I dont really feel like going

out and having fun in the evenings but I told her I would think about it. She said she was really sorry to ask me but could I

lend her fifty quid because they were going to turn her electricity off and she had nobody else to turn to and without the telly

and the computers and the game consoles and stuff her kids were really unbearable. I didnt have fifty quid on me so we

went into town together and I got it out the bank. She said she would pay me back as soon as she could and was

expecting some money any day now but I think I’m going to have to put a stop to it because although I got lots of money I

dont think its a good idea for her to get too dependent on me.

Kirsty came round in the afternoon and told me all about whats happening in her life what is not much since Dave Roberts

got sent to prison for twelve years for cocaine and other things like violence and stuff. I think she was stupid to marry him

before he got put away but he said he wanted to have someone waiting for him when he comes out and so Kirsty agreed to

do it but I thinks that she made a big mistake because even with good behaviour he’s going to be gone for a long time

maybe eight years and thats a long time to wait around for somebody. She’s got lots of money so thats no problem

although the police are trying to get it back because they say Dave got it illegal but she got lots hidden away somewhere

that they dont know nothing about so moneys no problem. But she’s nearly thirty and she’ll be getting on for forty when he

gets out and I know that she always wanted babies and Dave will be in his sixties when he gets out and thats no age to be

starting a new family and anyway he already got several kids. I told her she should divorce him and say she made a

mistake and say she’s sorry but she said she’s scared to do that because Dave got friends on the outside who reports

back to him about everything she does and one told her that Dave knows more about where she is and who she’s with

than he ever did before he went to prison and the only thing that keeps him going is knowing that Kirstys waiting for him.

After hearing that she decided she wouldnt say nothing for the moment but maybe later when he’s had time to make

himself at home and is a bit more relaxed she would think about it. She’s living in one of the houses that Dave bought

before he got caught but theres a bit of a problem there because the police are trying to get it back because they says it

was bought with drug money. I invited her to stay for tea but she said she had to be home by six o’ clock or one of Daves

mates would tell him and Dave didnt want her going out gallivanting in the evening so she had to be careful because Dave

was one of the most jealous people she had ever met.

I was thinking about your cousins place in Buckinghamshire this morning and I still remembers the first time we was there

when I didnt know you and was meeting you for the first time and we had the most wonderful time and I dont think I have

ever been so happy and I wish I felt a bit more like that now. The medicine that the doctor gave me what I think is called

Prozac dont seem to have any effect on me but the doctor said it could take weeks before I feels anything so I shouldnt get

impatient but I wish it would start working now.

I think Francois misses you and when I shows him a photo of you he smiles and points at you and says papa papa but I

cant tell him whats happening because he wouldnt understand and there would be no point but I feels really sorry for the

poor little thing. I hates seeing him like this and its obvious he’s got to see you again sometime because your a really nice

dad and he loves you to bits so why dont we say that in three months time we can meet up somewhere and you and him

can spend some time together. That will give me enough time to get myself sorted and figure out what I’m going to do with

my life what is what I really need to do. How about at the end of September. I really don’t want to go back to the chateau so

why dont we say at your cousins place in Buckinghamshire. Tell me what you thinks about it.

My mums looking after Francois right now but its time for him to go to bed so I better stop now.

Give my best wishes to your family.

Julie.