Smelly Man Still At Large
A very smelly man is still at large today, who's smell can kill an elephant at twenty paces. Arny Pitbullpitbreath escaped from Smellyfield Sewage Prison after an explosion, which was caused by the methane erupting from his volcanic armpits, flatulence and an unsuspecting screw who was lighting a cigarette.
He was serving 10 years for demanding garlic with menaces, this runs concurrent with his twenty years for 100th degree armpit murder, where he savagely head locked an innocent passer by in the High street for a laugh. The public are advised not approach this man, his smell is very dangerous and everyone is advised to stay indoors until this killer is caught.
Emergency gas mask with catalytic converters attached, are available to anyone with money. If you are poor you are advised to shove two Vicks Sinex up your nostrils, wear welding goggles and be armed with cans of Neutradol Air Freshener. Police are keen to capture this man, but not that keen, but has asked the public to be vigilant and keep their noses peeled.
He is described as a 6ft tall fat, greasy, sweaty lump of rancid lard, with a vile puss embossed complexion. His clothes are unrecognisable from their original state because he hasn't changed or washed them since he bought them and that was 20 years ago. But the police say it's pointless trying to spot his features, because the gaseous cloud surrounding him are enough to cause permanent blindness.
Jets are on standby loaded with water cannons and Industrial Strength Domestos shower gel missiles. Instructed to do everything to tackle this menace and finally wipe this terrible pong, out of our delicate, petite little noses.
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