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My caulis were the best on view
I had about a score
I sat and watched them as they grew
All green and white and pure.
No caterpillar fed on them
I flicked the flies away.
There was no blight upon the stem,
I tended them each day,
I watered them at eventime,
Protected them with straw.
They were to me a thing sublime,
A veg` worth waiting for.
My wife grew jealous of my greens
Because I loved them so
She kept on making awful scenes
And said they`d have to go.
Eventually `twas she who went,
She took the kids away
So on the lawn I pitched a tent
And watched them night and day.
Each plant grew up to three feet tall,
Two feet across the heads,
They could be seen above the wall
My lovely cauli beds.
People came from near and far
Just to take a look
Some by coach and some by car
And some a taxi took.
It was a full time job to guard
My caulis every hour
So in the middle of my yard
I built a huge watch tower
I also purchased me a gun
To ward away the thieves
And shot all those who thought it fun
To tamper with the leaves.
I packed up work and football too,
I finished with the club,
I also ceased to watch T.V
or spend time in the pub
They cut the `lectric and the gas
They stopped the water main
And then my cauliflowers, alas,
All died through lack of rain
My wife & kids are back once more
So is the gas & power
But I`m still sitting pining for
My lovely cauliflowers.
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