All of these problems began as a child
I was teasing the cat, slowly driving it wild
it took to its heels & flew through the air
and I broke my wrist as I fell off the chair.
Witches, we were, in our orchard one day
that was when Violette came round to play
on the roof of our shed she was peevish and crass
and laughed as she pushed me off onto the grass.
Circuses always amused me and Pete
their pig sty was ever an ideal retreat
but tamers of lions, their lives to defend
use whips for this purpose, not random brick-ends .
Bloody and bruised I refused then to stay
so a great chunk of coal was sent whizzing my way;
two pigs we had reared made a hasty escape
wrecking the garden so Pete`s Dad went ape.
I went for a bike ride with Maureen, my friend,
calamity struck as we rounded the bend,
the `cat`s eye` had met with the front of my wheel,
the next thing I knew, I was head over heels.
I loved all the birds from a wren to a swallow,
this was an interest I felt I should follow
I took to the woods, found a tree, there to sit
the branch gave away and I fell in a pit.
Riding that Shetland was not very sound
it fled up the field and left me on the ground.
Rendered `out cold` from a hit by a car,
motorbikes also became a bete noire.
But worse was to come in the strong room one day
on top of some steps which were starting to sway;
after yanking a file from an out of reach rack
a reverse somersault was the end of the track…..
….I lay there in hospital, trussed up, in traction;
dosed up and fed up and bored to distraction,
wondering how all of this came to be?
Why chaos and havoc keep targeting me?
“You’re accident prone!” said the man from insurance
“You’ve tested our patience beyond all endurance!”
“The cover you seek is way out of proportion
you`ll just have to stay in and exercise caution!”
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