(Underground Enhancements)

Work is going ahead to spruce up the London Underground stations ready for the arrival of millions of tourists visiting the XXX Olympiad. It is expected that much of this work will be completed by the end of March, 2011, in anticipation of the forthcoming royal wedding.

Citizens from all walks of life are volunteering their services, some at night and others at week-ends, towards intensive cleaning activities. Only last Thursday two barristers, a premier league footballer and several back bench Lib/Dems were seen at a Piccadilly line entrance, armed with buckets, mops, Cillit Bang and Marigolds. Such public spirited and self sacrificing people are making noticeable improvements as each week passes. A spokesman for the Cabinet Office stated that many will be considered for public service awards in the next Honours List, or the one after that.

In order to improve the appearance of some of the main stations, top graffiti artists have been drafted in to employ their various talents. Pastel, gold, silver and bronze paints have been allocated to them with requests for British landscapes and seascapes. Portraits of leading politicians and public figures will also be sanctioned though calligraphy will not be allowed for obvious reasons...

A further embellishment will be put into place on completion of the fumigation process. Aromatherapy has been successful for both its `feel good factor` and calming effects. After some consideration, famous firms such as Paco Rabane, Ralph Lauren, Calvin Klein and Hugo Boss are to be approached for supplies of their fragrances which will be infused into the underground air conditioning systems at hourly intervals. Other welcome additions could be Nina Ricci`s `l`air du temps and Diors` `la dolce vita`.

Finally, music from all parts of the British Isles will be played over the public address systems, Irish ceilidh bands, Welsh choirs, Scottish pipe bands and Greensleeves, not necessarily in that order.

It is hoped that a pleasurable experience will be enjoyed by all tourists using the London Underground system during the coming months and that Londoners will make the most of it.

I MacClean
Globe News Desk