Dear R…..

It`s as well Health & Safety regulations prevented you from minding Hoover for us at last Wednesday`s show. I suppose you couldn`t have avoided hearing the news of his escape? Please ignore all this week`s local press hype; I will now explain what actually happened.

We managed to borrow a horse-box to accommodate Hoover and a very kind steward directed us to a quiet part of the showground, close to the sheep enclosure. There should have been some sheep-dog trials later on that afternoon.

Anyway, we left Hoover asleep and went for a look round at the cattle pens; didn`t like the Limousin and Simmental breeds very much but the Holstein Friesians were in tip-top condition. We made our way past one of the show jumping arenas and entered the cheese marquee. No sooner had we tasted a sample of Double Gloucester with chives and some fantastic Stilton with apricots when we heard an almighty hullabaloo outside.

Someone was yelling something about a wild animal in the food marquee; apparently, it was wolfing down exhibits on the Preston Pork Pie stand. No sign of it when we walked in there a few minutes later though everywhere did looked like the aftermath of a hurricane. The commotion had now spread to the arena where the ladies side-saddle event was about to be judged. Horses mounted by ladies wearing long frocks and top hats were leaping about in all directions and, to our profound horror, bounding amongst them, furiously wagging his tail & barking, was Hoover playing one of his doggy games.

A voice on the tannoy was shouting “Keep calm, clear the arena keep calm, clear the arena!” At the same time ambulances were trying to weave their way through the scattering crowds, screaming kids & spooked horses now minus their mounts. It was sheer chaos until a shot rang out. One of the duty vets had hit Hoover in the thigh with a stun gun pellet. We were so relieved to learn later that none of the public nor any of the equestrians had been seriously injured.

Hoover was hoisted onto a truck and returned to the horse-box to regain consciousness, meanwhile, we were left to pick up the pieces, so to speak.

It took quite a while for the widely scattered sheep to be returned to their enclosure. That Welsh Collie certainly knew his stuff and his proud owner was very nice about the cancellation of the trials. H` gave him a fiver to buy himself a pint.

We apologized to the ladies in the WI section after settling matters with exhibitors on the fruit, vegetable and flower stands. We also expressed our regrets to the judges who were standing around looking bewildered, clutching handfuls of multi- coloured rosettes. No `Best in Show` that day then.

I was quite surprised when the owner of the Preston Pork Pie company presented us with a bill for two dozen family sized, pork pies. I know that Hoover has a large appetite but didn`t think even he could manage that amount of foodstuff though later the floor of the horse-box told a different story. Personally, I was very relieved that Hoover hadn`t entered the cheese marquee & consumed some of the prize displays in there; along with the pies, the after effects could have been explosive.

Before leaving, we were escorted to the organizers tent, questioned, severely reprimanded and banned from attending any further shows with `that dog`. Such a pity, I was under the impression that organizers of such an animal .orientated show would have loved all living creatures.

We didn`t get to sampling any more cheeses let alone buy any. Before we could even think of re-visiting the marquee some officious steward had hooked the horse-box up to the car and we were unceremoniously directed off the ground via the back of the portaloos.

Thanks again at least for trying to help out, Health & Safety weren’t wrong on this occasion were they?
Our pet, they referred to as `that dog` is now more settled since we bought a mini dachshund, Cindy, to keep him company. Cindy has only been here two nights and Hoover is a different dog, totally besotted. I don`t think we will be having any further problems with leaving him at home for an hour or two so roll on next year`s show.

All the best J